Wednesday, September 26, 2007

WOW the power of kind words

First things first, I want to thank everyone who commented, emailed or called about my last post. Your kind words have really made me feel better, the anxiety is still there, but I'm working on it.

One thing that was really making me feel all crazy has been resolved, I am very happy to say, I was worried about something but all is good, and I'm glad. Now if I can only get the rest of my life to be less stressful and more calming... HAHA anyone know how to do that?

But there are a few fun things that have been going on in my life recently, that I thought I would share since my last post was kind of a downer. So let's try to get things UP BEAT again shall we?

Every Friday (or at least we try) a group of us meet up for Sushi at this great little restaurant, today is their 3 month anniversary they are new and we love them, we are their first "regulars", the food is great and it isn't expensive. the staff is wonderful it is Japanese cuisine so if you are not a sushi eater it is okay they have plenty of other delicious entrees. Well last Friday we got a group of 5 to go, it was Stephen, Chris, Elana, Alyssa and myself we always sit at the bar and we just talk and eat and drink it is a great time. Stephen and I laugh, sushi night is what keeps us going through the week, because man work can be stressful and it is good to look forward to something. Everyone and anyone is invited and we have been trying to get as many of our friends to come. After sushi Chris, Stephen & I went to a bar in Boston that is a regular hang out for Chris & Stephen, I got to finally meet some of the people that Stephen is always telling me about, and I have to say EVERYONE I met were super nice and super cool. I don't know what they thought of me because by the time we got there I was feeling well a bit drunk. Bruce at the sushi place sure can make a mean Cosmopolitan and considering I had two and hadn't really eaten anything until then it all went straight to my head. WOO HOO!!!

Don't worry though, I stopped drinking after we got to the bar, well after I had 2 lemon drop shots and a glass of wine, then it was water for the rest of the night. Got home around 2am and fell right to sleep, woke up too early on Saturday and relaxed a bit then met up with my friend Gosia and went for a long walk around Boston, stopping at the Hatch Shell by the Charles River for a Blues Festival, it was a gorgeous day for good music and to be outdoors, we are not going to have many more days like that one so I figured I need to get myself out there, I have been in such a funk lately that all I want to do is go home and be alone, and I think part of the reason I want to be left alone is because on Sunday my mom comes home from Finland and it will be a very long time before I'm alone again and I have been feeling the need to get my own place and I just can't but that is besides the point, I can't just hybernate just yet, cuz in a month or two that is what I will be doing, I hate the cold and I hate how early it gets dark, so I usually just go home, which is another reason I've been feeling so down, I know winter is coming and I definitely get seasonal depression, my therapist (I love saying that is that weird) told me that the lightbulbs they sell now that are like sunlight really do help, so I am going to go this weekend and buy a few for my room.

Anyway, so Saturday was a good day we left the Blues Festival and went through the park to see about maybe catching a movie unfortunately nothing was playing for about an hour, so we decided to walk towards the shopping district of Boston and I showed Gosia where I used to work, and told her this funny story of how when I worked at this law firm I used to meet up with well a guy "friend" and we would go back to my house at lunchtime for a quickie... it was a 15-20min train ride to my house and my friend would cover the phones for me, so I would call her and say, hey Kim I'm going to be like 10 minutes late coming back from lunch, and she knew why so it was all good. Ah to be 21-22 again, good times good times, I also told her about this place that has been in Boston since the 1936 called The Original Tremont Tearoom it a place where you can get psychic readings. I went there years ago and had a reading with Alex who was so dead on it was freaky. I'll tell you all about it another time (and when we go again). So I think we are going to try to go this weekend, how much fun will that be. You can't take these sort of things too seriously, but it is always fun to hear what they have to say, this is the only place that I trust to not be con artists. I believe that there are people who have a sixth sense if you will, I do not believe it is the "Devils" work, not one person that I have ever met that has this ability has used it for evil, they always use it to help others.

So we finished our day and boy were we tired, and my feet were killing me next time I wear sneakers not sandals, but even with the sore feet I felt good, it got me to stop thinking about all that is going on and just enjoy the day. Then on Sunday I relaxed, I watched movies and stayed inside all day. I need at least one day a week where I do nothing, it makes me sane again for the week. I wish I could say that this weekend I didn't wake up with anxiety but I can't even though I had a good weekend and I tried to get my mind off of stuff I still didn't sleep much and I still have that knot in my stomach. One day at a time right? Just BREATHE!!! (haha easier said then done).

I Want More...

Monday, September 24, 2007

Will this anxious feeling I have ever stop?

Ever since I got sick almost 9 years ago, I have had anxiety. For years after getting treatment and being in remission I was still taking xanax for the anxiety I was having. A few years ago I stopped taking it, partly because I didn't like how it made me feel especially when I was sleeping. If I took a xanax before bed I felt like someone was holding me down or I had 2 ton weights on me. I always wake up while I sleep, I have not slept a whole night through in probably 9 years (hmmm right around when I was first diagnosed). Anyway, if I woke up in the middle of the night for whatever reason and I had taken a xanax I felt like I was carrying a ton of bricks, forget about trying to get up to go pee, I literally felt like my body weighed 1000 lbs, plus in the morning I was so groggy that it would take me half the day before I felt human again. I would take half of a pill and I was prescribed 0.5mg to begin with. I never understood people who take a 1mg xanax and function NOT ME!!!

Anyway, for about the last 5-6 months my anxiety has been creeping back, and these last couple of months have been the worse, I wake up in the middle of the night having an anxiety attack, do you know what it feels like to wake up gasping for air, or even worse to dream that you are drowning because you can't breathe? And I know some of you are wondering if maybe I have sleep apnea but I don't think so because I don't snore and I can breathe through my nose its not a blockage I have thought about it, but this is more anxiety I believe, because I have this anxious feeling when I wake up like I'm completely out of control. It is the worse feeling ever, I wouldn't call them panic attacks because I know the difference, last panic attack I had was during Hurricane Wilma which went right through Broward County when I was living in FL. I truly thought I was going to die, no these are anxiety attacks and they are becoming more frequent.

I partly know why I have been feeling so much anxiety, my life is not exactly where I thought it was going to be, it isn't an age thing, I don't feel old, but I feel that I should be somewhere else in my life. I hate the fact that I live check to check and can't afford to move out of my mom's place. I am too old to be living with my mother, but right now I have no other choice. Don't get me wrong I love my mom this has nothing to do with her. I have bills like you wouldn't believe and the person that is supposed to be helping with these (because he helped me to incur them) has not given me any money since last May and there is nothing I can do about it. Plus there are many other reasons why I have been so stressed out lately but I don't want to go into all of them now.

I have been seeing a therapist for a few months, mostly to work out the issues I have had with my father (though I do have to say we are getting along pretty good for the most part right now). I have also been trying to work on some of my issues, my insecurities, it has helped but truth be told I haven't been able to tell him everything yet, I guess a part of me doesn't want to be judged or thought to not be as strong as everyone thinks I am. I try to be strong but lately I feel so weak. I am just tired of working 2 jobs and still not getting anywhere, my main job is not what I thought I'd be doing, it is quite boring, don't get me wrong the people I work for/with are GREAT!!! But the work itself is boring, I sit behind a computer all day long watching the clock go by thinking GOD is it 5 yet? If anyone has met me for 5 minutes they know that I like to be around people, I love to interact with people. I think that is why I was so good at my last job, I ran the shipping office for a warehouse storing produce. I dealt with everyone from the truck driver picking up a load to the owners of the product and everyone in between (brokers, sellers, buyers...) only problem was the company I worked for well they were CHEAP and they completely took advantage of me, knowing that I wouldn't leave until everything was completed, which is why I worked from 3:30pm to anywhere from 1am to 6am. Yes that's right I sometimes (most times) wouldn't leave until close to 6am, a person can only take that for so long and I did it for over 2 years like that w/o a raise. But that is besides the point, I loved the work I did, it was challenging and it was fun, and it was HARD, and very fast paced. Here not so much. Then I get to go to my second job, which isn't a bad thing I interact with a ton of people, and I get energized from there when it is busy, but I don't want to keep working two jobs, I am getting burnt out.

Anyway, I just want to sleep, I just want to feel normal, I'm tired of having this feeling in my stomach like a huge knot or feeling of being nauseous all the time is getting to me (whenever I'm stressed out it all effects my stomach). I hate the feeling of always trying to catch my breath, I know it is time to call my doctor and I will but I want to find a better approach to controlling the anxiety then a pill. I don't know I guess I just needed to get it out, writing is an outlet for me, it is a way to just put it out there.

Like I said, I just need/want to feel normal again, to feel in control because right now I don't and I'm tired, just so tired (and I don't mean sleepy I mean just wiped, lost, confused, and stressed out). But I guess this too shall pass (I hope).

I Want More...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: 13 shows I want to watch this upcoming season

This weeks TT comes to you because in the next couple of weeks the new fall season starts on most networks. There are a lot of shows to choose from some are old ones that I will keep watching and some are new ones I'm excited to see.

Here are the 13 shows I'm most excited to watch this fall season in no particalur order. Get your TIVO ready here we go.

1) Grey's Anatomy - Thursday 9pm on ABC Premiers Sept. 27th

Will Derek & Meredith work things out (doubtful) will he go for Merediths sister (probably which SUCKS). Poor George has to do his internship all over again and from what I hear under Meredith. Will Izzy & George be together (hope not) I like Callie and I think he should work it out with her, but then again he doesn't deserve her. Will Alex find Rebecca in time, all these questions and so many more can't wait to see what happens.

2) How I Met Your Mother - Monday 8pm on CBS Premiers Sept 24th

So Ted & Robin are officially broken up, but I think that's a good thing, it was too soon into the show for her to be the one. Hey does anyone realize that the older Ted (voice over guy) is actually Bob Saget, I think that is funny. Anyway, I'm excited to see Marshall & Lily's first year of marriage to see what kind of trouble Barney can cause, and who Ted and Robin will be dating this season.



3) Two and a Half Men - Monday 9pm on CBS Premiers Sept 24th

Charlie will he ever settle down, Alan will he ever get his own place & Jake he has the best one liners of them all. This sitcom makes me laugh out loud, there aren't that many anymore out there that can do that. I hope this show stays around for a long time.


4) Ugly Betty - Thursday 8pm on ABC Premiers Sept 27th

Poor Betty, Henry has left to be with who is pregnant with his baby, or is it really his. Amanda has just found out that her real mother was Fey Sommers but whose her daddy, could it be Bradford. Daniel and Alexis are in a world of trouble, Hilda has lost her man which really sucks because I like Santos, will Ignacio ever get back to the US and will Wilhelmina finally take over the magazine so many answers so many questions can't wait to see what happens. Oh, also I love that America Ferrera won Best Actress in a comedy at the Emmy's GO AMERICA!!

5) Big Shots - Thursday 10pm on ABC Premiers Sept 27th

The lines between boardroom and bedroom blur in Big Shots, the story of four friends who are at the top of their game... until the women in their lives enter the room. These competitive but dysfunctional New York CEOs take refuge in their friendship, discussing business, confiding secrets, seeking advice and supporting one another through life's twists and turns. This show sounds fun, a male version of Sex and the City Can't go wrong with the line up either, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus, Joshua Malina & Dylan McDermott. YUMMY!!

6) Desperate Housewives - Sunday 9pm on ABC Premiers Sept 30th

We all know the Edie didn't die (bummer). I hope Susan & Mike finally have some normalcy but then again it is Wisteria Lane and there can never be normal. I hope Gabrielle and Carlos somehow get back together again, I like them together. Lynette has a rough battle ahead of her, I hope they acutally show it and not skip 4 months and she is recovered, her and Tom belong together and this will either make them closer or break them up. And what's this??? Dana Delany is the new neighbor, we'll have to see what she is up to.

7) NCIS - Tuesday 8pm on CBS Premiers Sept 25th

I really got into this show over this past summer, I would always watch it when Gilmore Girls was a repeat, but now that GG is gone ((tears)) my Tuesday night at 8pm is free to TIVO NCIS. I'm very excited to see where the gang goes, I love that Tony has finally met someone (Jeanne) I hope things work out for them, but if memory serves me correctly things might be rough for them. I love the stories and the action of this drama. This season should be an interesting one.

8) Private Practice - Wednesday 9pm on ABC Premiers Sept. 26th

Addison Forbes Montgomery is a renowned surgeon. Having left behind Seattle Grace Hospital, a broken marriage with Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd, and her torn relationship with Mark "McSteamy" Sloan, Addison moves to Los Angeles for sunnier weather and happier possibilities. This show has possibilities but it better show me that it is really good right from the start, because Wednesday night at 9pm there are two other shows that I'm interested in, so it could be a toss up (thank goodness that you can watch most shows online now). I like the character Addison on Grey's so lets see how she does in her own show.

9) Pushing Daisies - Wednesday 8pm on ABC - Premiers on Oct 3rd

Grown up Ned (Lee Pace) puts his talent to good use by touching dead fruit and making it ripe with everlasting flavor. He opens a pie shop. But his gift leaves him wary of becoming close to anyone, as beautiful waitress Olive Snook (Kristin Chenoweth) finds out. His life as a pie maker gets more complicated when private investigator Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) finds out about Ned's secret. Emerson convinces the cash-strapped Ned to help him solve murder cases (and collect the hefty reward fees) by raising the dead and getting them to name their killers.This show looks really interesting and original I am excited to see it, and everyone is talking good things about it. I like shows like this, lets hope it is as good as everyone makes it out to be.

10) House - Tuesday 9pm on Fox premiers Sept 25th

Will House be all alone, will the team Chase, Cameron & Foreman be back, did they really leave for good (I hope not). Will Cuddy and House finally get together? I love this show, I know most of the medical drama that is on here is so far fetched but its the same on Grey's I like the dark side of House and Hugh Laurie is a fabulous actor love the fact that he's English. I wonder with the real romance of Chase (Jesse Spencer) & Cameron (Jennifer Morrison) coming to an end, if the spark will still be there on screen. Can't wait to see what trouble and cases House has to deal with this season, can he do it all on his own we will see.

11) Law & Order SVU - Tuesday 10pm on NBC Premiers Sept. 25th

This is the first year that I will actually be able to watch each episode of Law & Order SVU, usually some other show was on and I would try to catch the replay on USA (speaking of USA have you seen the promos for Law & Order Criminal Intent, new episodes are on USA they are GREAT). SVU is my favorite of the Law & Order franchise I love all the characters and how they interact with each other. I love that they take stories right from the headlines and make them into individual shows (on all of the L&O programs). I hope this year doesn't disappoint and when is Christopher Meloni going to get his Emmy?

12) Samantha Who - Monday 9:30pm on ABC premiers Oct 15th.

What if you had the chance to start over, to do it all again? For Samantha Newly (Ms. Applegate), this fantasy becomes a reality after a hit-and-run accident leaves her in an eight-day coma. When she awakens in the hospital, she is surrounded by family and friends. The only problem is that she has no idea who they are or who she is. In medical terms, Sam has retrograde amnesia, which allows her to fully function in the world but leaves her with no personal memories. Most people would deem this disorder a curse. But Sam may come to call it a miracle. I really like Christina Applegate and this looks like a cute sitcom I am going to give it a try and see what happens.

13) Life Wednesday 10pm on NBC premiers Sept 26th

Life is a new drama about a detective who is given a second chance. Damian Lewis ("Band of Brothers") stars as complex, offbeat Detective Charlie Crews, who returns to the force after years in prison, thanks to close friend and attorney Constance Griffiths (Melissa Sagemiller, "Sleeper Cell"), after serving time for a crime he didn't commit. This looks like an interesting new drama, I will see how it goes.

Well that's just some of the shows I'm excited to see, I probably won't be watching most on the days that they air because I work a second job, but that is why I have TIVO skip the commercials and watch everything at once. Let's see if this seasons television shows are worth talking about at work the next day.

I Want More...

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Name this kitty

Hi All,

My friend Sandra has a new kitty she is black with green eyes and is only 9 weeks old. Here's the dilemna what to name her.

So I am asking the blogsphere for any suggestions, she is a fiesty little kitten who loves to chase the dogs around. She is very curious and likes to see what is going on around her.

So please leave me your suggestions for names and any questions you might have about this kitty in the comments.

NAME THIS KITTY


I Want More...

Friday, September 14, 2007

This is too funny to pass up

I know I know not another Britney clip but trust me this one is hysterical.

It is a fake preview of an upcoming episode of the Tyra Banks show and the editing is awesome.

Hope everyone has a great weekend, I finally have my energy back I was so sick last week.

I Want More...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Controversial, Banned or Outrageous Videos

This weeks TT comes to you because I just hate the fact that MTV doesn't play videos anymore, I used to as a kid watch (and tape) music videos for hours and hours. I loved to watch music videos that were by my favorite bands like Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, G-n-R, NKOTB (I know that one so doesn't fit) and so many others. Now to watch any video you either have to go onto Yahoo Launchcast video (which is great) but they don't have all of them, or if you are lucky go onto You tube before it is taken down. Sometimes you can see the video right on the musicians website. Sometimes you have to search the web and look around. So I decided this weeks TT would be 13 outrageous, banned and/or controversial music videos that some of you may know about and some of you might not.

WARNING: Some of these videos might be a bit more graphic then you are used to, and NSFW so watch at your own risk, many of these are uncensored.



1) Madonna - What it feels like to for a girl



2) Nine Inch Nails - Closer



3) Robbie Williams - Come Undone



4) Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up



5) Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams



6) MSTRKRFT - Easy Love



7) Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box



8) Pearl Jam - Jeremy



9) Metallica - One



10) Madonna - Justify My Love



11) George Michael - I Want Your Sex



12) Robbie Williams - Rock DJ



13) Eminem - Stan




Some of these you might not think are very controversial for this day and age, but when they came out they were quite outrageous for the times. I'm sure there are many many more that I haven't listed, let me know which ones you think should be on the list as well.



I Want More...

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wordless Wednesday: TJ Friend or Foe?


Some say Friend




Same say Foe



I Want More...

Monday, September 10, 2007

I have a question for all the parents out there

I have a question, being that I am not a parent myself so I guess I don't really know how most parents would react to a situation that could possibly happen to you. I know how I would react but again since I don't have children of my own if I did maybe it would be different.

Here is the hypothetical situation.

You go to a restaurant with your family which includes a child around the age of 8-10 years old. The child orders a "VIRGIN" daiquiri and the bartender accidentally makes it with alcohol. The server does not realize this because she/he obviously does not taste it before serving to your child. The child takes a few sips and says, "Mom this tastes funny." So you try it yourself and you realize that there is alcohol in it. What do you do?

I am curious to see what some parents would do in a situation like this?

a) would you freak out on the server and bartender threatening police action and lawsuits.

b) would you calmly say, excuse me I think this was made with alcohol

c) laugh and tell the server I'll have this one could you make the next one w/o the booze for my kid, wouldn't want her to start drinking before 5pm.

d) tell the server what happened, server takes drink away, apologizes and asks if there is anything she/he can do, you say nothing much wait until the food comes and then state that you have lost your appetite and can't possibly eat.

You don't have to pick one of these, you can tell me what you would do if none of these apply, I am interested in what the response would be. I know that I would probably laugh and just say ooops, could you make this w/o the booze.

In a related story, when my brother Yianni was about 3-4 years old, we had a barbecue at my father's house, probably for Greek Easter which is a huge deal in the Greek community (ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding yeah that's us). Anyway, there was a glass with straight vodka sitting on the counter that someone was drinking. Yianni thought it was water, needless to say, he took a huge gulp. Gasped for air for a second (since it was straight booze it burnt while going down). We yelled, No Yianni that's not water, we get him to drink water and eat something, but realize whatever is done is done. He never slept as well as he did that night. We laugh about it still to this day saying you always did like the hard stuff. So I guess being that alcohol was never TABOO in my family (and no we are not drunks) it never fazed me, I never drank in high school not like my friends who would get drunk just to get drunk because mom and dad said no. My mom and dad said if I wanted a glass of wine or a beer it wasn't a big deal. So what are your opinions on this, I am opened to all, good, bad, critical, funny, whatever, just trying to get some parents perspective. Let me know in the comments or email me directly.

I Want More...

The Best & Worst of MTV's 2007 VMAs

Okay I have a confession to make, I watched the VMAs last night, well for the most part, I flipped between that and other shows. I wanted to see some of the performances and I just had to see how much of a train wreck Britney was going to be, unfortunately for her she came through. She was HORRIBLE.

I have the Best and Worst Performances here if you are interested if not maybe you want to see Kid Rock and Tommy Lee fighting now that is too funny. Why anyone would fight over Pamela Anderson I have no clue.

The Best: Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake & Timbaland.



The Worst: Britney Spears - Gimme More



Tommy Lee & Kid Rock Fighting



Just something to watch this fine Monday morning, a good performance, a bad performance and a fight, can't go wrong with that.

I Want More...

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: 12 Pictures and a Video from my cousins wedding

I haven't been able to really write much this past week, and there is so much to tell. Being that it is already Thursday (this week is flying by) I thought I would post 12 pictures and a video from my cousin Michael's wedding over the weekend. He married a lovely girl named Karen and I wanted to share with all of you this special day. Unfortunately I don't have any picture of the ceremony only from the reception.

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12)

I Want More...